Health


300_41308I mean, everybody wants to the next Obama Girl or summin’, but this is just getting out of control. The New York Times reports that two Domino’s employees thought it would be funny to put boogers on pizzas, video tape it and it put it online. Instead of getting dap from the cyber world, all hell broke loose:

When two Domino’s Pizza employees filmed a prank in the restaurant’s kitchen, they decided to post it online. In a few days, thanks to the power of social media, they ended up with felony charges, more than a million disgusted viewers, and a major company facing a public relations crisis.

In videos posted on YouTube and elsewhere this week, a Domino’s employee in Conover, N.C., prepared sandwiches for delivery while putting cheese up his nose, nasal mucus on the sandwiches, and violating other health-code standards while a fellow employee provided narration.

The two were charged with delivering prohibited foods.

By Wednesday afternoon, the video had been viewed more than a million times on YouTube. References to it were in five of the 12 results on the first page of Google search for “Dominos,” and discussions about Domino’s had spread throughout Twitter.

This is why the majority of meals are prepared at home–so i know it’s my OWN boogers on my food–NASTY BITCHES. If these fools go to jail, how are they going to explain that to their cell mate?

“Uh, I’m here because me and my coworker pretended to put boogers on a pepperoni and mushroom pizza and then we posted it on YouTube. Why are you here?”

” I decapitated my neighbor for yelling at my dog.”

“Sweet.”

I hope they get their tails whooped everyday in the slammer.

This is why people need to really think about what they post online, cause EVERYBODY AND THEY MOMMA IS EITHER TWITTERING, FACEBOOKING IT AND YOUTUBIN’ IT, OR WHATEVER ELSE IS HOT IN THE STREETS. What did they think was going to happen? People were going to laugh and keep it moving? Did they think Steve Colbert was going to invite them on his show or something? Actually, these hillbillies probably don’t even have cable–they would probably be happy if they were on Maury.

Why in the hell would you jeopardize your damn job-in the midst of the worse recession this country has ever seen–over some 15-minutes of fame nonsense? What low-IQ person George W. Bush would find that amusing? It’s cool though, there are 15 Harvard grads in the area already lined up waiting to take their jobs anyway, so maybe it all worked out. Meanwhile, Domino’s stocks are plummeting, they are being bombarded with complaints and the poor president of the company had to send an email apologizing to folks–you know Pizza Hut and Poppa Johns are happy as hell right now.

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I mean, yes we ALL MUST WRAP IT UP and clearly the message isn’t being heard, given the soaring rates of HIV infections around the world. So what does Germany do? Try to scare the hell out of you to not raw dog it by conjuring up emotions of guilt, oppression and mass extinction: Don’t bring the next Hitler into the world. Use a condom.

Slate blogger Willa Paskin writes: A truly astounding series of German condom advertisements are making the rounds this morning—each features a sketch of a sperm made to look like Adolf Hitler, Osama Bin Laden or Mao Zedong. Their not so subtle message being, “Better wrap it up… unless you want to bring evil into the world!” The ads are arresting and hilarious, but the self-flagellation inherent in them strikes me as being distinctly German: I can’t imagine many American dudes susceptible to the suggestion that their sperm wear swastikas, or, to use a more purely American parallel, KKK outfits. (Obviously, their sperm have 90 mile an hour fastballs, good looks and a working familiarity with the art of the deal). It’s a dark take on procreation, informed by an everyday awareness that people can go really, really bad. Of course, people can go good as well, and I almost expect to see these images re-purposed for an anti-condom or pro-life campaign, with sperm made to look like Jesus, Abe Lincoln or Martin Luther King Jr.

What ever happened to just showing pictures of the woman with the cauliflower vagina or the man with bumpy penis to “remind” people of the dangers of unprotected sex? Why you gotta go and get all “George W. Weapons of Mass Destruction” with it? Why you gotta get all Schlinder’s List on it? Now I gotta to worry about HIV and carrying in my womb the next HORRENDOUS murderous dictator who is capable of blowing up things and killing people for fun? C’mon now.

The ads are slightly funny, but a mess nonetheless.

See the rest here.

article-0-064efca50000044d-848_468x296So, the findings are in and not only are American teenagers FAT as hell, so are our babies.

Cnn.com reports:

Researchers calculated the body mass index from a sample of 8,550 Hispanic, black, white, Asian and Native American 4-year-olds. The children were born in 2001, and in 2005, their height and weight were measured — 18.4 percent of them were obese.

“Significant differences in the prevalence of obesity between racial/ethnic groups were evident at 4 years of age,” the researchers wrote in the April issue of the Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine.

Using body mass index, they found that 31.2 percent of American Indian/Native Alaskans, 22 percent of Hispanics, 20.8 percent of blacks, 15.9 percent of whites and 12.8 percent of Asians were obese.

“It’s surprising that there are large differences by racial/ethnic group by that age,” said Sarah Anderson, an assistant professor of epidemiology at The Ohio State University and lead study author.

Anderson and co-author Robert Whitaker’s analysis showed that children were becoming obese even before encountering soda and candy vending machines in schools.

“These results really do point to the need for us to focus attention on early childhood and the need for research to understand how these differences can emerge so early,” Anderson said. “To do that, we may need to understand the different family and cultural factors that are at play in these children’s lives.”

Why are the researchers acting surprised that the numbers were different among racial lines. How are these findings any different than any other study about anything including obesity among adults? DUH. The people who are the most oppressed, the most marginalized, lacking the same access to healthy foods and health literacy OF COURSE are going to suffer the most and have the larges impact from any illness. Cultural factors should always be part of studies as a means to understand why things are the way they are. STOP IT, I CAN’T.

Now with that being said, institutionalized racism and classism is driving force of this epidemic, but so is the culture that cooks everything in lard, drenches everything in salt even before tasting it and believes that anyone who eats organic is trying to be white. I’m just saying. Just because you want your legs to be amputated by the age of 45, doesn’t mean the babies should suffer. Cause clearly, we can’t blame them for this one, hell most of them think that if you wrap a carrot in a McDonald’s wrapper it tastes better than carrots sitting on a plain paper plate, so this is issue is strictly the parents’ fault.

On the 5 train heading to Manhattan not too long ago, I saw a little girl eating Cheetos at 9:30 in the morning. Not a banana, not an apple, not even some greasy popcorn, but a damn bag of Cheetos and a Capri Sun. Her momma looking as stupid as she wanted to be and the po’ child had Kool-Aid looking stains on her dress and fingers covered with orange crumbs. A mess. Listen up parents: The next time you think about putting Pepsi in your kid’s sippie cup, think twice and no, that’s doesn’t mean add Diet Pepsi instead. Try some damn WATER.

tamponsI am not sure if people are aware how we came to this world, but I’m going to drop some knowledge and it doesn’t involve a stork. Our parents didn’t use condoms or the pull out method, our daddy’s sperm traveled through our mommy’s fallopian tubes and found an egg and fertilized it. From there the egg attached itself to the uterine walls and we stayed there for about nine months until it was time to pop out. For the months that didn’t happen, the egg releases in bloody mucus in a process called MENSTRUATION! This has been going down since the BIG BANG THEORY or for those who believe in God since Eve got duped by the serpent. For whatever reason, people still act like we are living in 1955.

Today, after suffering one of the worst cases of PMS I have ever had in my 30 and half years—I wanted to throw someone on a subway track, punch an old woman for laughs and burst out crying for no reason—I felt that I wanted to share that with the world- or my Facebook network of “friends.” So I wrote “Kellee has REALLY BAD PMS, so keep all of your smart comments to yourself, LOL” I thought a few people would write, “Girl, you so crazy” and keep it moving.

Try again.

I was accused of being Gloria Steinem (for those who don’t read that much she’s a feminist who led the Women’s Lib Movement in the 1970s) and of sharing too much information cause GASP the very thought of a woman having HORMONES and being on her period IS THE WORST DAMN THING ON EARTH. Not being Jeffery Dahmer, or Bernie Madoff, or liking kiddie porn, but menstruating. I see how far we have come.

And for the record, TMI would be saying, “Kellee’s period is MAD HEAVY this month!” or “Man, my tampon is stuck for days!” or something to that nature (None of which is true in my case.) And let’s keep it real (James that is for you): If men had PMS, we would have cure for that bullshit and if we didn’t, March Madness would have a damn contest about it like they did for colon cancer—one of the top killers of men in this country. PMS would be part of every damn conversation and wouldn’t be considered as gross.

What really kills me is that people write all the time on Facebook, “I have the flu!” Or “I am coming down with a cold.” And their damn walls are flooded with get-well wishes for their snotty congested germ ridden asses. Where the hell is my get-well wish? Where is my “Girl, get you a Pamprin and an Alieve and lay down.” “Girl, it’s going be ok, don’t kill anyone.” Instead, I get yelled at because no one wants to think about blood. F-YOU. I don’t want to think about throwing hot coffee on people, but I can’t help it cause my emotions are on psycho-mode. So, now we’re even.

Wanna know what really sucks? All of this cyber banter about how inappropriate I am only made my PMS worse. Thanks guys.

*This is for my girl Hisano and all the others who are suffering from PMS in silence

First it was the purple Telletubies hell bent on reprogramming our sons into becoming nelly queens, then it was all the feminists and liberals that caused 9/11 and now the Jesus Freaks are back with a new campaign: The Pill Kills 2008. This group funded by losers with a lot of time on their hands wants you to join them on June 7th to stop the distribution of the killer poison called the Birth Control Pill. The 7th of June is the 43rd anniversary of the landmark case Griswold vs. Connecticut, which made birth control legal. And while pro-choice folks like myself will be celebrating, these idiots will be protesting.

Check out their very enlightening Q &A on their site:

Q: How does the pill work?
A: The birth control pill and similar birth control products work in a woman’s body in one of three ways: It can prevent ovulation and it can obstruct sperm from reaching the egg (prevent fertilization) by thickening the cervical mucus. However, if both of these methods fail and a new human person is created, the pill and other contraceptives can stop a tiny child’s implantation in his/her mother’s womb because the pill irritates the lining of the uterus so that the tiny baby boy or baby girl cannot attach to the lining of the uterus and the newly formed human person is aborted and dies. This is called a chemical abortion.

Q: How does the pill kill babies?
A: This can happen because the pill and other birth control products can prevent implantation from occurring. When the preborn baby implants in the womb, the baby establishes a connection with the mother so that he or she can receive the sustenance needed to grow. If the preborn baby cannot implant in the mother’s womb, he or she will die.

Now I grew up in a time where we actually had real sex-education–Remember being grossed out with the slides of warts and the infamous CAULIFLOWER vagina? Remember when health teachers taught you about condoms, birth control and abstinence? Yes, being on the pill for decades can cause blood clots and what not, but I must have missed the lesson about the pill being the major force behind genocide.

I love how these fools don’t need basic science or commons sense to fuel a campaign. It’s this type of delusionment and ignorance that allows Hillary Clinton to continue with her bid for the White House.

I mean what’s next? Protesting condoms because they block sperm from naturally entering the uterus? This has got to stop!

What are these people suggesting? Not having sex until marriage? Well that is not going to work for black women since every damn poll tells us that we have a better chance of getting struck by lightening and winning the Powerball on the same day then finding a spouse. Guess I will have to live with being a serial killer.

(Thanks Feministing)

If you live in New York and have been in any subway station (BK’s Atlantic Avenue Stop) or been at home kicking it enjoying reruns of The Wire, you have been unexpectedly hit with New York City Department of Health’s new ad campaign to stop folks from puffing on cancer sticks: Maria and her missing fingers.

See below:

There are two other commercials like this as well.

According to the Health Department, Marie developed Buerger’s disease, a condition that narrows arteries reducing blood flow to the arms and legs. She has lost parts of most fingers, as well as a leg and a part of one foot. Her man also left her because he couldn’t take it anymore.

I do hope that Mayor Bloomberg tricked her off some of his billions or promised to pay her rent for the rest of her natural life, because that is the only way the kid would have put herself on blast like this.

I mean fear tactics are so post/911 circa 2005. They don’t work with the masses. (Me on the other hand they work for sure, I am scared of everything.) People don’t care about their bodies, if they did they wouldn’t cook greens in LARD or eat at Chipotle. So if you think that hardcore smokers give a damn about amputated fingers, bone clippers, holes in their throat, second-hand smoke giving their kids asthma or the threat of being single, you’re nuts.

But people are terrified of you messing with their money.

So here is my thought: Make cigarettes expensive as hell. A pack of Marlboro Lights in New York is already high at $8.50. I say make it $20. And with this recession in full effect, folks will have to choose between light bills or cigarettes, gas or smokes, food or trees.

Now that would be a kick ass PSA. Maria’s kids on television saying that their mother’s addiction was so bad that she used up their college fund because she just “needed to light up after sex.”

Maybe just shaming folks would work.

SHOUTOUT: To my friend Nicole L. who is missing a finger due to a childhood accident, not smoking, although she does smoke.  This post does not pertain to your situation–your missing finger is how i say, “Freaky sexy!”

(Disclaimer: I know that everyone is talking about Miley Cyrus. So when in Rome…)

Hannah Montana megastar Miley Cyrus is doing damage control by apologizing for her recent photo spread in Hollywood culture bible Vanity Fair for a semi-nude picture of her taken by famed photographer Annie Lebowtiz. Cyrus claims she was manipulated by Lebowitz while Lebowitz is giving the “bitch please” defense claiming that everyone was happy and approved of the art including Cyrus and her parents.

Lebowitz also stated that people are misinterpreintg her work. So tell me this: When is it ever appropriate for an artist to suggest that a 15-year old girl pose shirtless while being wrapped in sheet rocking just-got-f***ed hair? Never. Shame on Lebowitz for not knowing better, for not falling back for a second and thinking to herself “Now I got critisized for the Jennifer Hudson Vogue spread last year for making her look like a lifeless whale, I got really shit on for the LeBron James-Gisele Bundchen Vogue cover for reinforcing stereotypes of black men being primitive apes…so maybe I should be easy with this little girl and do something that will keep my name out of the news.” Or maybe this was her plan all along.

But regardless of the intent, we as a society cannot forget that although Cyrus may have Julia Roberts’ money, she is still a child.

Now I respect Vanity Fair, but it doesn’t get a pass because it’s Vanity Fair, just like Lebowitz doesn’t get a pass because she is one of the best photographers of the 21st century. A foul up is a foul up and they need to stop hiding behind art’s sake and man up. This picture whether splashed on a MySpace page or on the cover of Time is equally problematic.

And I know that people are saying, “Where were the parents? They should have been there.” Who knows where they were, but if they weren’t there, shame on them for trusting a capitalist magazine to have their daughter’s best interest in mind. Now if they were there and they didn’t say anything, this could be a product of one of two things. Either they don’t give a damn like Lindsay Lohan’s mom aka White Oprah OR they got caught up in the moment listening to elitist folks telling these hillbillies, they don’t know fine art and that this is what is people really want to see. It’s this same mentality that got Andre Leon Talley to talk Jennifer Hudson into wearing that hideous gold lamet shrug-thing at the Oscars in 2007. You keep telling someone, “You’re great, you’re fabulous, give it to the camera. this is what’s up” and POOF! You have a child in tears, embarrassed parents, Disney with their panties in a twist and a major corporation i.e. Conde Nast making millions off of the fallout.

Yet this one incident speaks to a larger problem in this country: the sexualization of young women at way too early of an age. There are 10 year-olds wearing thongs and getting Brazilian waxes along with high schoolers who give better head than Karrine Steffans. We have music videos with naked women having money thrown on them, reality shows with spoiled brats who will do anything for attention, ads like House of Dereon For Girls pimping 3 year olds in f**k-me pumps, commercials like CW ‘s Gossip Girl showing kids riding each other, movies like Superbad that display a teen character begging some dork to put his “cock” in her, the list could go on and on.

Do we have any idea what we are doing to the psyches of young girls in this country? We are telling them that being overtly sexual is more important than being articulate, or being goofy or being smart or being REAL. We are encouraging girls to engage in sexual activities that they are not mentally or emotionally ready for and all we can offer them is abstinence-only education, so they have no idea how to protect themselves. Then we wonder why one in four teen girls has an STD. And parents are just as messed up as the media–stop being your kid’s homegirl and be her mamma.

We have fallen pop stars, knocked up teen idols and hairless vaginas plastered in every magazine. And when young girls finally have someone they can look up to, we ruin it by letting greed take over common sense and decency. Oh well, VF will get what it wanted: to sell more copies than Suri “Alien” Cruise’s debut and Jennifer Aniston “Boo-hoo Brad left me” issues combined. I hope it was all worth it.

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