Fashion


george-michael-faith_lI always loved George Michael–from when he was wearing coochie cutters with WHAM!, grinding on Aretha Franklin, masturbating in public, came out and went on record saying he was scared to get an HIV test–shit who isn’t? I am a true fan. This song still gives me chills when I listen to it…I mean, “That’s all I wanted, something special, something sacred in your eyes. For just one moment, to be warm and naked at your side.” WHAT? OOOOH-WEEEE. Granted, I was in fifth grade when this dropped, so I wasn’t quite sure what he was talking about per se, but it still made me WARM and fuzzy inside. not to mention GM looked really sexy in this video. The second to last shot when she is walking down the catwalk and he is there just looking at her…DAMN!

This model chic played herself in this video. Back then, he could have been my daddy ANYTIME! Now, not so much, but we definitely could go to Vlada together and get wasted.

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I know that I am late on this one, but these damn House of Dereon ads really irk the hell out of me.

I don’t know about you, but the words “fuck me pumps” and “pre-schoolers” do not need to go together in the same sentence.

Tina, we understand that you had to pimp out your daughter at a young age in order to make her a star and bring money into the home. Without that sacrifice, “bootylicious” might never have made it into the American vernacular. So for that we are truly grateful, but this boo, is a disgrace. These little girls look like whores. Why all the lipstick?

What is the next ad going to look like? Babies wearing gold metallic bikinis while five-year old boys throw Monopoly money on them.

Let our children be damn children atleast ’till the age of 8. Then they can worry about bikini waxes and putting out.

I am not blaming Bey and her Creole mama for the raising rates in pedophilia in this country, but this mess definitely doesn’t help.

Cycle 1 winner of America’s Next Top Model, Adrienne Curry, 25, is not only a failure of a model and a pathetic reality star, but  an “intellectual” blogger who has lots of insightful things to share with her fans. This past weekend she blogged about how she is banning BET (because it’s racist), Black History Month (because it’s racist) and how we all just need to get over slavery.

Here are some of my favorite snippets from her MySpace blog:

Yes, I get it. Black people were slaves here once. You know what? That does suck some mjor balls, however, it is time to move the fuck on.

So, I will no longer tune into BET. This is going to suck, but I do NOT like the idea of having a channel for only 1 race. In the year 2007 in a country that is supposed to be the most advanced and equal. This is unacceptable

Lets change Black History Month to 2 months of AMERICAN HISTORY. We will still learn about all the black leaders and people who made a difference….just not with the racist name of “Black History Month”. It has to start somewhere.

I know Curry is not really a celebrity, only some stupid Z-lister who married that Brady guy on VH1 and felt salty when he got a vasectomy behind her back because he didn’t want to procreate with her. But I thought this was worthy to comment on.

Now granted this is coming from someone from Joliet, Illinois (the armpit of all suburbs) and from someone who had to be taught by Tyra Banks how to pronounce the word “passion” correctly, you really cannot take her inner Ann Coulter seriously, but it still hurts. To minimize slavery as being just something that “sucked balls,” Hefer please, the only thing that sucks balls is you and your husband. And to be mad at BET for being a channel dedicated to race. You need to be banning CBS because minus Jimmy Smits new show,  their fall line-up looks like a Klan rally.

I told you guys that the only downside of the Jena “Six” becoming more visible was this: people coming out of their mouth to no end talking about complex things that their little brains cannot comprehend.

I would also like for people to stop calling black people racist. We cannot be racist: ignorant and prejudice, yes, but not racist. Racism is about power, and that we don’t have. Example. I don’t like you, your feelings get hurt, You don’t like me, I don’t get hired. See the difference?

As good brotha’ Malcolm said, “We didn’t land on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on us.” Race is not something that we constructed, it was forced on us and despite her trashy ass wanting us to get over it, it ain’t gonna happen.

Man what if we could just get over it, if it were that easy. I just wished it away; let’s see if I can catch a cab on Fifth Avenue.

One more day until Friday. Try a little tenderness when dealing with your kiss ass co-workers who will do anything to look better than you. Enjoy!

I’m not sure what the recent fascination with vaginas is really about, but now on top of using wipes, I need to be completely waxed? Damn.

tomford.jpg

Dear Tom,

May I call you Tom? I get it, you are sexier than Marc Jacobs, Michael Kors and Zac Posen combined– and probably a hell of a lot wealthier. And yes, when you went to Gucci in the 90s, you resurrected the line with your innovative and sexy designs (We will always remember Toni Braxton in the “Un-break My Heart” video rocking the white dress with the circle cut out on the side)

But what in the hell is this? That is not alluring. Where are the pubes? Whose vagina is that? A twelve year-old’s? Jenna Jameson’s? Why can we see your face and not the woman’s? Better yet, what does this have to do with a MAN’S COLOGNE?

Next time, show us a penis. It may not pretty, but at least it will be relevant.

xoxo,

KT

P.S. No one puts that much body oil down there–EVER.

P.P.S. A little less photoshopping in the face. You’re fly without it.

P.P.S.S.  Aren’t you gay?

I loved this show. I know, I am a typical New Yorker.

This is when Carrie busts her face on the runway in her Dolce & Gabbana panties. Me likey!

I do warn, it’s in Spanish, but we all know what is being said!

In the October issue of women’s mag Glamour , Ugly Betty’s America Ferrera graces the cover for the very first time. Although her face looks utterly flawless, that cropped and digitally enhanced body that WE ALL KNOW IS NOT HERS, looks a hot mess.

So, just as I wrote to Terrence Howard, it is now Glamour’s turn….

Dear Cynthia Leive (Editor-In-Chief) and Suzanne Donaldson (Photo Director),

I am writing to inquire why in the hell and who in the hell approved the October cover of Glamour? We all know that this is not America Ferrera’s beautiful and curvy body–that is Nicole Ritchie’s emaciated corpse with America’s fierce face. This is insulting for many reasons: one, because you assume that this is what your readers want to see and two, that we are so stupid that we were actually going to believe this nonsense. Try again. Look at those arms!

If a celebrity does not fit your backward ass standards, then DO NOT BOTHER PUTTING HER ON THE COVER IN THE FIRST PLACE IF YOU ARE JUST GOING TO EFF IT UP. What’s next, you will put Venus Williams on the cover and make her as light as Beyonce? I mean, Photoshop can really do anything.

Let me be clear: You are not doing us women of color or curvy women a favor by putting us in your publication. It’s not like Ugly Betty just came out–it has been on for a year and now after the Golden Globe and the SAG and the Emmy nomination, she gets to be on the cover. It is bad enough that we are barely represented, but PLEASE represent us right or not at all! (Pass this message on to your fellow Conde Nast EIC Anna Wintour because March 2007 Vogue’s cover and spread with Oscar winner Jennifer Hudson looked as if Ms. Lebowitz took the photos with her eyes closed.)

And you have the audacity to call it the 1st Annual Figure-Flattery Issue.

How do you think America feels about this? You don’t think that being brown, short, and weighing over 100 pounds has been a roadblock in her career? You don’t think that she realizes that roles that she should have gotten have gone to the same boring cookie cutter actresses that you seem to love to plaster on your pages. I find it very ironic, that America’s character Betty represents the beauty on the inside and sadly your cover perpetuates that inner beauty is just another word for “ugly.”

Glamour has really been messing up lately. Last month, you all had that little slip up with your racist editor who referred to twists and dreads as “political hairstyles” and claimed that they “had to go,” now this. Please get a grip on things over there at 4 Times Square, because I would hate to cancel my subscription, especially since I need to write it off on my taxes.

Much Love,

KT

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