Entertainment


(Disclaimer: Nothing in this post is about Justin Beiber, but his bangs annoy the hell out me every week…carry on)

Here are five things that irked the hell out of me this week:

  • Sista Gurl get your curtsey on. No, the Queen isn’t coming, The “extinct successful black man” is gracing you with his bullshit:

 Another article, another reminder of how unfuckable and unlovable we are. This time, it’s Vibe’s turn to step in the shit. In an as told to piece, Rapper Slim Thug—no, you are not alone, I can’t name his last album either—unloaded his anger towards his mother for not breastfeeding him as a child warned black women to be more like white women if they want to have black mates. He said:

 “Most single Black women feel like they don’t want to settle for less. Their standards are too high right now. They have to understand that successful Black men are kind of extinct. It’s hard to find us so Black women have to bow down and let it be known that they gotta start working hard; they gotta start cooking and being down for they man more.”cooking and being down for they man moret cooking and being down for they man more…”

I cannot. Negro, go sit down somewhere. Like I am going to take dating advice from someone whose name is Slim Thug (though you kinda fat), has really never dated a quality woman (only skrippers with red lace fronts and 3 different baby daddies) and has admitted to having serious issues being faithful in relationships.

Instead of popping off at the mouth spreading more misogynistic fuckery, why not just do what all Z- list celebs do when questioning their relevancy? Leak your own sex tape.  Thanks in advance.

  • Jada Pinkett, stop using your kids to prove you are the cool! Isn’t being a swinger enough? We get it, you different.

 We all saw poor little Willow Smith at the premiere of her brother’s movie rocking what looked like a mix of Lady Gaga, Neo from The Matrix with a splash of Mr. T. I can’t. Yeah this might have been somewhat okay if she was 19, not 9. She is not old enough to make an educated decision on looking like a hot ass mess yet.

 I don’t know if it’s the fame, the feeling that they are invincible, the obsession with media attention, or the Scientology, but these damn celeb parents keep playing Barbie and Ken with their kids and I am getting tired of it. IT’S NOT CUTE.  

From Mel B giving her 3-year old a Mohawk with shaved sides, to Katie Holmes’s toddler Suri rocking heels and NO COAT in the winter, to Angelina Jolie dying her kids’ hair all different colors. When will this stop? I am all for allowing a child to explore their creativity and be who they are, but these damn kids are not asking for this, they can barely tell you where their nose is.  

If any Hollywood child is asking for something, it’s baby Zahara begging for Brad to hire a live-in hairdresser. She is tired of looking like a runaway slave.

  • The whackest shows of all time—One Tree Hill, Supernatural, and 90210—continue to get renewed, but The Game is still MIA?

 This isn’t really a new concept, but I saw some commercial on CW for another teen show, full of white kids, based on the same concept of Gossip Girl AND GOT PISSED. The Game was a great show, funny, entertaining , not to mention Coby Bell is an Adonis. And now we have to wait till 2015 probably waiting for EBT BET to get it together and get their money right.

 It’s funny how the origins of CW made their money off black comedies and now there isn’t one left in sight. Television is looking more and more like Anaheim, CA, people.

  •  Who are the “average Americans” surveyed for Facebook’s “Family Feud” game? Cult members? Jesus Freaks? People who think fine dining is Red Lobster?

 Maybe I am just way too New York to excell at this game,  cause I only make it the Bonus Round like once every four games.

What do you mean things that people do in the morning before anyone gets up does not include smoking, reading Media Takeout or preparing for the walk of shame back to your apartment? Apparently, this is the time when people workout and pray and have sex with their cousins.

 This game is not about how smart you are, or reasonable, it’s about how West Virginia you can be.

  •  Helena Andrews’ memoir “Bitch is The New Black” came out last week:  

Ugh. Normally, I would have a lot to say about this, but I am exercising my right to remain silent. Wouldn’t want to be accused of having the right to have a fucking opinion when people suck bringing another black woman down.

 It’s cool though. I’ll just let these three do it for me.

 Book Review: Helena Andrews Has A Quarter-Life Crisis In “Bitch Is the New Black”

 Thirsty is the New Black

Rebuttal: Bitch is The New Black

012762_11The Boomerang soundtrack was the ish, but this song was the STANDOUT! PM Dawn was always a little strange, with their flower power mantra and hippie glasses. Not quite the mold of black masculinity at that time–Public Enemy, X-hats and “By Any Means Necessary, that’s probably why I loved them so….. I had this crush on this boy–who will remain nameless and you couldn’t have told me that this song was not written for me and my teen angst. I was a tortured soul even back in 1992.

keri1wb1So, I haven’t been waiting for her album to drop as long as Maxwell’s…lol, but it has been awhile. And honestly, I am not disappointed. I knew when I heard Energy last summer, I was going to like her stuff.  I love her style, she writes some of her own stuff,  she can actually dance and sing (Rihanna, you taking notes?) and she is not screaming on her tracks (Bey. ARE YOU LISTENING?) Her album sounds like a mix of everything–a little Ciara (Slow Dance), a little but of Prince (Intuition), a little but of Aaliyah (especially “Where Did He Go”) and a little J-Hud (Energy). My favorite song on the album is definitely “Turning You On” and “Intuition”. I feel her  when she says “I got this crazy feeling…im gonna be single again…I can feel it…you gonna mess up!” Girl, you ain’t never lied, cause they always do.

Here is her new video “Knock You Down” I hate to even say it, cause I love him, but I am sooooooo over Kanye right now.

Watch Mathew Knowles ask to be her manager so he can sabotage her career just like he did Kelly’s. Keri, watch yo’ back!

paulwalker8Say what you must, I don’t give a damn! This white boy from the Fast and the Furious franchise LOOKS GOOD! I know he’s this millennium’s version of Keanu Reeves….I HAVE NO ISSUE WITH THAT, especially given how I would strip in the streets if that’s what it took for Keanu to even look at me.

Walker is the epitome of Nebraska-looking loving. I have yet to see him close up, which is fine FOR NOW. I remember junior year in college, my BFF Emily came to visit me at Michigan and we went to the mall movie theater to see She’s All That and this Adonis played the jerk. When he came to pick Lacey up for the prom and he walked in her parents living room with that tux on….EVERY YOUNG GIRL GASPED like someone had touched their hmm mmm for the first time–Myself included! Paul was the first celebrity I ever cyber-stalked..oh the memories!

Peep my boy:

Who are the people that create these YouTube montages? I mean I am not knocking them, they just do all of my stalker work for me. I just want to know.

angels-baby-rib-crop-tee-baby-blue-groupieSo do you have low-self esteem? Don’t want to use any real talents other than giving mind-blowing fellatio and using your vagina for cash and “security”? Chase whoever is poppin’ bottles at the club? Great, cause now you have a web sight to validate your whorish behavior. ENTER the blog Tales From A Groupie: The Guidebook to Legal Prostitution Being A Groupie. My girl Shavon brought this to my attention and I am utterly flabbergasted.

This websight allows for women and men to post their nasty-ass tales of fuckery with athletes, rappers and actors and it gives advice to groupies that will help them navigate their skanky world better. Seriously, there are like q&A’s with these people with photographs of who they conquered.

Here’s my personal favorite:

Chris Wilcox

How was he in bed?

Chris and I had one encounter and that was all I could take. It was while he was playing for the clippers. And man let me tell you, this man has the Biggest D*ck I’ve ever seen in my life. He’s like a typical ball player. Straight to the point, no time for BS. Put it like this, his d*ck was so big, I couldn’t even wrap my hand around it!!! It is basically the size of a newborn and I could not take it all the while we f*cked (because trust that what he did) I screamed out in pain. I have never once ran from d*ck, but man he was pulling me back like no other. I could not wait for it to be done. After that I would see him around and I went the other way. I was scared that he would ask to hit it again because my answer would be a long drawn out NO!!!

What would you rate him?
Chris isn’t bad in bed at all. He is a beast, as far as d*ck size so I’ll say 3-4 outta 5, but I wouldn’t f*ck him again because it’s like having a baby and that sh*t hurts
[NO COMMENT ON THAT ONE]
Another fave:
Groupie Tip of The Day: Be Easy
Not just “easy” in the sexual sense, but easygoing. Don’t fret over bullshit like stayin’ out too late or eating that infamous ‘fourth meal’. You know the meal that is to late to be dinner, and to early to be breakfast? Yep, that one. Keep in mind, nobody wants to hang around a uptight bitch. As much as being with this celebrity may be a fantasy for you, it’s a break from reality for him too. Don’t be that overbearing, naggin’ chick that doesn’t know how to chill the hell out. Keep things on your own terms, and try not to appear desperate. Remember, they’re human just like you and as with most things, less is always more; it keeps them guessing.

What I want to know is that if you are a groupie, how you going to act like you are a number one? You are a vessel for this man to penetrate, nothing more, and there isn’t anything less to be. So how you gonna demand to be treated well or want something like RESPECT? A mess.

Can someone tell me what does having sex with an athlete do for you? Does your property value go up? Do you feel prettier than you normally would if you had sex with a REGULAR MAN who might actually call you back? Do these men pay your rent or something? I am not sure if this is all lies, if the creator is making a point by making fun of these girls without them knowing it or she might be working on her PhD in anthropology, but either way she is only letting these girls think this behavior is cool and its not.

I will say that if the economy gets any worse, I might be taking some pointers from these chics…KIDDING…sort of. I’m gonna ride out this writing career, having a Master’s Degree thing and see where it takes me….

ciaraYeah, yeah, this isn’t really a THROWBACK per se, it came out a few years ago, but this is my blog, so I do what I WANT. Say what you want about Ciara–no talent, she has a penis, etc. This video, that pelvis thing that she is doing (Don’t try it at home, I almost fell off the wall and broke my hip,) and just the song in general is HOT.

Play this for me and my clothes are instantly coming off. I’m kidding momma..sort of.

meghan_mccainI knew when this heifer was on The View and other silly shows talking about the devil bitch Ann Coulter and other uninteresting topics, she was up to something. Well I was right. The New York Observer reports that Hyperion is publishing Ms. McCain’s book and is writing her a 6-figure check for it–like she really needs it.

John McCain’s 24-year-old daughter Meghan has a book deal! Sources say Hyperion has prevailed over at least three other publishers in an auction that began earlier this week, following a round of meetings during which the in-your-face young conservative and the literary agent she shares with her father, Sterling Lord Literistic president Flip Brophy, discussed a number of possible approaches to the book with editors around town.

Several sources said the advance Ms. McCain will receive from Hyperion, which is owned by the Disney Company, is in the high six figures.

While we haven’t quite nailed down what Ms. McCain’s book will be about—no one at Hyperion nor Ms. Brophy returned calls this afternoon—if her recent columns for Tina Brown and Barry Diller’s Web site The Daily Beast are any indication, it will probably have something to do with the future of the Republican party, and how it must change to attract the votes of modern young people.

YAWN! Hey Meghan, why not give that money to the families whose loved-ones are fighting in the war that your senile father voted for. Honestly, don’t we have enough boring blonde women with nothing to say writing books nowadays? I am WAY more interested in reading a book from the other McCain daughter, the Indian one they treat like one of the kidnapped kids from The People Under The Stairs. That would be a page-turner.

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