Crime


300_41308I mean, everybody wants to the next Obama Girl or summin’, but this is just getting out of control. The New York Times reports that two Domino’s employees thought it would be funny to put boogers on pizzas, video tape it and it put it online. Instead of getting dap from the cyber world, all hell broke loose:

When two Domino’s Pizza employees filmed a prank in the restaurant’s kitchen, they decided to post it online. In a few days, thanks to the power of social media, they ended up with felony charges, more than a million disgusted viewers, and a major company facing a public relations crisis.

In videos posted on YouTube and elsewhere this week, a Domino’s employee in Conover, N.C., prepared sandwiches for delivery while putting cheese up his nose, nasal mucus on the sandwiches, and violating other health-code standards while a fellow employee provided narration.

The two were charged with delivering prohibited foods.

By Wednesday afternoon, the video had been viewed more than a million times on YouTube. References to it were in five of the 12 results on the first page of Google search for “Dominos,” and discussions about Domino’s had spread throughout Twitter.

This is why the majority of meals are prepared at home–so i know it’s my OWN boogers on my food–NASTY BITCHES. If these fools go to jail, how are they going to explain that to their cell mate?

“Uh, I’m here because me and my coworker pretended to put boogers on a pepperoni and mushroom pizza and then we posted it on YouTube. Why are you here?”

” I decapitated my neighbor for yelling at my dog.”

“Sweet.”

I hope they get their tails whooped everyday in the slammer.

This is why people need to really think about what they post online, cause EVERYBODY AND THEY MOMMA IS EITHER TWITTERING, FACEBOOKING IT AND YOUTUBIN’ IT, OR WHATEVER ELSE IS HOT IN THE STREETS. What did they think was going to happen? People were going to laugh and keep it moving? Did they think Steve Colbert was going to invite them on his show or something? Actually, these hillbillies probably don’t even have cable–they would probably be happy if they were on Maury.

Why in the hell would you jeopardize your damn job-in the midst of the worse recession this country has ever seen–over some 15-minutes of fame nonsense? What low-IQ person George W. Bush would find that amusing? It’s cool though, there are 15 Harvard grads in the area already lined up waiting to take their jobs anyway, so maybe it all worked out. Meanwhile, Domino’s stocks are plummeting, they are being bombarded with complaints and the poor president of the company had to send an email apologizing to folks–you know Pizza Hut and Poppa Johns are happy as hell right now.

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angels-baby-rib-crop-tee-baby-blue-groupieSo do you have low-self esteem? Don’t want to use any real talents other than giving mind-blowing fellatio and using your vagina for cash and “security”? Chase whoever is poppin’ bottles at the club? Great, cause now you have a web sight to validate your whorish behavior. ENTER the blog Tales From A Groupie: The Guidebook to Legal Prostitution Being A Groupie. My girl Shavon brought this to my attention and I am utterly flabbergasted.

This websight allows for women and men to post their nasty-ass tales of fuckery with athletes, rappers and actors and it gives advice to groupies that will help them navigate their skanky world better. Seriously, there are like q&A’s with these people with photographs of who they conquered.

Here’s my personal favorite:

Chris Wilcox

How was he in bed?

Chris and I had one encounter and that was all I could take. It was while he was playing for the clippers. And man let me tell you, this man has the Biggest D*ck I’ve ever seen in my life. He’s like a typical ball player. Straight to the point, no time for BS. Put it like this, his d*ck was so big, I couldn’t even wrap my hand around it!!! It is basically the size of a newborn and I could not take it all the while we f*cked (because trust that what he did) I screamed out in pain. I have never once ran from d*ck, but man he was pulling me back like no other. I could not wait for it to be done. After that I would see him around and I went the other way. I was scared that he would ask to hit it again because my answer would be a long drawn out NO!!!

What would you rate him?
Chris isn’t bad in bed at all. He is a beast, as far as d*ck size so I’ll say 3-4 outta 5, but I wouldn’t f*ck him again because it’s like having a baby and that sh*t hurts
[NO COMMENT ON THAT ONE]
Another fave:
Groupie Tip of The Day: Be Easy
Not just “easy” in the sexual sense, but easygoing. Don’t fret over bullshit like stayin’ out too late or eating that infamous ‘fourth meal’. You know the meal that is to late to be dinner, and to early to be breakfast? Yep, that one. Keep in mind, nobody wants to hang around a uptight bitch. As much as being with this celebrity may be a fantasy for you, it’s a break from reality for him too. Don’t be that overbearing, naggin’ chick that doesn’t know how to chill the hell out. Keep things on your own terms, and try not to appear desperate. Remember, they’re human just like you and as with most things, less is always more; it keeps them guessing.

What I want to know is that if you are a groupie, how you going to act like you are a number one? You are a vessel for this man to penetrate, nothing more, and there isn’t anything less to be. So how you gonna demand to be treated well or want something like RESPECT? A mess.

Can someone tell me what does having sex with an athlete do for you? Does your property value go up? Do you feel prettier than you normally would if you had sex with a REGULAR MAN who might actually call you back? Do these men pay your rent or something? I am not sure if this is all lies, if the creator is making a point by making fun of these girls without them knowing it or she might be working on her PhD in anthropology, but either way she is only letting these girls think this behavior is cool and its not.

I will say that if the economy gets any worse, I might be taking some pointers from these chics…KIDDING…sort of. I’m gonna ride out this writing career, having a Master’s Degree thing and see where it takes me….

american_violetThanks to Tyler Perry and his coon flicks-YEAH I SAID IT–black people still believe that every woman just needs a good man and a good prayer to get through the day. When in actuality, we just need a stiff one and a stiff cocktail. (I’m joking momma, I don’t even know what that means. I’m a virgin and I don’t drink) It’s time for a change when it comes to images of black people in pop culture–AND THE OBAMAS ARE NOT ENOUGH.

Hopefully, American Violet is a step in the right direction as will my screenplay if I could ever get off page 1. American Violet starring Alfre Woodard, Xzibit. Charles S. Dutton and Nicole Behari is based on the real-life story of Texan waitress Regina Kelly, who was wrongly arrested in 2000 for drugs in a corrupt plan headed by the District Attorney.

Peep the trailer:

Listen up: If you have 10 bucks to trick off to see Madea Burns Down The Chicken Spot and SoulPlane 5: Into The Hudson River, then you can afford to be enlightened by something thought-provoking.

I mean I know that ever since XXL came to be, The Source has become as relevant as Jet, so it would make sense that they would want to sell issues by any means necessary, but isn’t this just a bit harsh?

Do we really need another violent media image of black men? Aren’t O.J and Clarence Thomas offensive enough?

I know that many of us are not feeling the po-po right now, especially NYPD, but I felt that I had to give props to the baaaaadest black female cop on television, Sgt Carol Mason on A&E’s The First 48.

What makes her so damn fierce? It may be her fiery long red fake nails and her luxurious Yak that is laid every week. Or maybe it’s the fact that she plugs in a Gold N’ Hot iron at her desk to curl her hair before scooping folks up in Memphis. She is a hood mess and I love her for it.

Here is an example why. This is what I like to call “Gangsta Lean.”

Priceless. Did you peep the fur and the heels?

CNN reported that this morning in a courtroom in New York, the verdict was handed down for the three police officers who killed Sean Bell in 2006: NOT GUILTY.

A judge acquitted three New York Police Department detectives of all charges Friday morning in the shooting death of an unarmed man in a 50-bullet barrage, hours before he was to be married.

Detectives Michael Oliver and Gescard Isnora were found not guilty of charges of manslaughter, assault and reckless endangerment in the death of Sean Bell, 23, and the wounding of two of his friends.

Detective Marc Cooper was acquitted of reckless endangerment.

Justice Arthur Cooperman said he found problems with the prosecution’s case. He said some prosecution witnesses contradicted themselves, and he cited prior convictions and incarcerations of witnesses.

He also cited the demeanor of some witnesses on the stand.

As the judge read his decision, Nicole Paultre Bell — Sean Bell’s fiancee before his death — ran from the courtroom, saying, “I’ve got to get out of here.”

The announcement immediately sparked anger among some in the crowd outside the courthouse, but the protests were generally orderly.

One woman shouted at a black police officer, “How can you be proud to wear that uniform? Stand down! Stop working for the masters!”

Patrick Lynch, president of the New York Police Patrolmen’s Benevolent Association, said “there’s no winners, there’s no losers” in the case.

“We still have a death that occurred. We still have police officers that have to live with the fact that there was a death involved in their case,” Lynch said.

Can someone explain to how does the demeanor of a witness and the judge not liking it has anything to do with this case? And so because you have priors you cannot be a reliable witness? How many white men have committed crimes, got off because daddy had money and had to testify in a court later down the road? Thousands and so because they don’t have a record, they are all good? I really would wonder that if this had happened to one of the Johnson & Johnson heirs, and the po po shot him up like this, would the verdict have been the same? Oh wait, this never would have happened to him because he could have just went to an exclusive members-only club like Soho House and did whatever the hell he wanted to do. If cops are so concerned with drugs, go to a place like that. THERE IS COKE EVERYWHERE. Go shoot up some actors and models and what not.

So let’s do a rundown of who has gotten thrown in jail in the past couple of years: Martha Stewart, Lil’ Kim, Foxy Brown, Michael Vick, T.I., Wesley Snipes, Remy Ma, for starters–and you mean to tell me that three police officers who shot the hell up out of this young boy based on a hunch, WHO WAS UNARMED, get off scott-free, like that type of force is okay. As my friend Kenyon just said, “I really thought these cop acquittals went out of style after Diallo.” I guess it’s making a comeback.

Big ups to the black woman who called Marc Cooper out. Slave mentality is not a good look.