angels-baby-rib-crop-tee-baby-blue-groupieSo do you have low-self esteem? Don’t want to use any real talents other than giving mind-blowing fellatio and using your vagina for cash and “security”? Chase whoever is poppin’ bottles at the club? Great, cause now you have a web sight to validate your whorish behavior. ENTER the blog Tales From A Groupie: The Guidebook to Legal Prostitution Being A Groupie. My girl Shavon brought this to my attention and I am utterly flabbergasted.

This websight allows for women and men to post their nasty-ass tales of fuckery with athletes, rappers and actors and it gives advice to groupies that will help them navigate their skanky world better. Seriously, there are like q&A’s with these people with photographs of who they conquered.

Here’s my personal favorite:

Chris Wilcox

How was he in bed?

Chris and I had one encounter and that was all I could take. It was while he was playing for the clippers. And man let me tell you, this man has the Biggest D*ck I’ve ever seen in my life. He’s like a typical ball player. Straight to the point, no time for BS. Put it like this, his d*ck was so big, I couldn’t even wrap my hand around it!!! It is basically the size of a newborn and I could not take it all the while we f*cked (because trust that what he did) I screamed out in pain. I have never once ran from d*ck, but man he was pulling me back like no other. I could not wait for it to be done. After that I would see him around and I went the other way. I was scared that he would ask to hit it again because my answer would be a long drawn out NO!!!

What would you rate him?
Chris isn’t bad in bed at all. He is a beast, as far as d*ck size so I’ll say 3-4 outta 5, but I wouldn’t f*ck him again because it’s like having a baby and that sh*t hurts
[NO COMMENT ON THAT ONE]
Another fave:
Groupie Tip of The Day: Be Easy
Not just “easy” in the sexual sense, but easygoing. Don’t fret over bullshit like stayin’ out too late or eating that infamous ‘fourth meal’. You know the meal that is to late to be dinner, and to early to be breakfast? Yep, that one. Keep in mind, nobody wants to hang around a uptight bitch. As much as being with this celebrity may be a fantasy for you, it’s a break from reality for him too. Don’t be that overbearing, naggin’ chick that doesn’t know how to chill the hell out. Keep things on your own terms, and try not to appear desperate. Remember, they’re human just like you and as with most things, less is always more; it keeps them guessing.

What I want to know is that if you are a groupie, how you going to act like you are a number one? You are a vessel for this man to penetrate, nothing more, and there isn’t anything less to be. So how you gonna demand to be treated well or want something like RESPECT? A mess.

Can someone tell me what does having sex with an athlete do for you? Does your property value go up? Do you feel prettier than you normally would if you had sex with a REGULAR MAN who might actually call you back? Do these men pay your rent or something? I am not sure if this is all lies, if the creator is making a point by making fun of these girls without them knowing it or she might be working on her PhD in anthropology, but either way she is only letting these girls think this behavior is cool and its not.

I will say that if the economy gets any worse, I might be taking some pointers from these chics…KIDDING…sort of. I’m gonna ride out this writing career, having a Master’s Degree thing and see where it takes me….

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