tamponsI am not sure if people are aware how we came to this world, but I’m going to drop some knowledge and it doesn’t involve a stork. Our parents didn’t use condoms or the pull out method, our daddy’s sperm traveled through our mommy’s fallopian tubes and found an egg and fertilized it. From there the egg attached itself to the uterine walls and we stayed there for about nine months until it was time to pop out. For the months that didn’t happen, the egg releases in bloody mucus in a process called MENSTRUATION! This has been going down since the BIG BANG THEORY or for those who believe in God since Eve got duped by the serpent. For whatever reason, people still act like we are living in 1955.

Today, after suffering one of the worst cases of PMS I have ever had in my 30 and half years—I wanted to throw someone on a subway track, punch an old woman for laughs and burst out crying for no reason—I felt that I wanted to share that with the world- or my Facebook network of “friends.” So I wrote “Kellee has REALLY BAD PMS, so keep all of your smart comments to yourself, LOL” I thought a few people would write, “Girl, you so crazy” and keep it moving.

Try again.

I was accused of being Gloria Steinem (for those who don’t read that much she’s a feminist who led the Women’s Lib Movement in the 1970s) and of sharing too much information cause GASP the very thought of a woman having HORMONES and being on her period IS THE WORST DAMN THING ON EARTH. Not being Jeffery Dahmer, or Bernie Madoff, or liking kiddie porn, but menstruating. I see how far we have come.

And for the record, TMI would be saying, “Kellee’s period is MAD HEAVY this month!” or “Man, my tampon is stuck for days!” or something to that nature (None of which is true in my case.) And let’s keep it real (James that is for you): If men had PMS, we would have cure for that bullshit and if we didn’t, March Madness would have a damn contest about it like they did for colon cancer—one of the top killers of men in this country. PMS would be part of every damn conversation and wouldn’t be considered as gross.

What really kills me is that people write all the time on Facebook, “I have the flu!” Or “I am coming down with a cold.” And their damn walls are flooded with get-well wishes for their snotty congested germ ridden asses. Where the hell is my get-well wish? Where is my “Girl, get you a Pamprin and an Alieve and lay down.” “Girl, it’s going be ok, don’t kill anyone.” Instead, I get yelled at because no one wants to think about blood. F-YOU. I don’t want to think about throwing hot coffee on people, but I can’t help it cause my emotions are on psycho-mode. So, now we’re even.

Wanna know what really sucks? All of this cyber banter about how inappropriate I am only made my PMS worse. Thanks guys.

*This is for my girl Hisano and all the others who are suffering from PMS in silence