he_s_just_not_that_into_you_movie_image_jennifer_connelly__jennifer_anistonSo, in hopes of being totally ironic and to give me a reason to resurrect my beloved blog from the ashes, I went to see He’s Just Not That Into You with my girls on Valentine’s Day. Before I go into why the film made me want to slice off my breasts and give myself a hysterectomy with some Twizzlers, I just want to clarify that I am not a bitter single woman living in New York City upset because all the men are gay, into white and Spanish girls, incarcerated, depressed, live with their mother or are looking for God. Yes, all of those reasons play a factor into why I am single, but I’m not mad about it. I am just an average joe pissed off that it’s a recession and I can’t get my twelve bucks back and put it toward necessities like rent or Jack Daniel’s.

But I digress. I didn’t hate it as much as I wanted to, it was well-acted and it had its heartfelt moments, nor am I as mad at it like I was CNN’s Black In America. But there were too many cheesy and pathetic moments happening on the screen and in the theater. All of which led me to boo LOUDLY when the credits started rolling. (My girls can vouche for this)

So in PopGumbo tradition, I must crap all over it. Here we go:

  • Are we really that pathetic? I mean, I know that many of us are so desperate for love, but are we this desperate? Random drive-by’s, calling and hanging up, analzying every last thing that a man says, acting a damn fool, jumping 5 steps ahead? Wait, yes we are this pathetic. Maybe this hit too close to home and that’s why I am uncomfortable. LOL
  • I am the only one who is tired of Scarlett’s big boobs-pouty lips seductress shit? Yes, she’s curvy , hot and sounds like she has been smoking Newports since she was 12– WE GET IT. But c’mon, when is she gonna play the Gigi-type character-the unfuckable one with thin-lips? Now, that’s what I call acting.
  • Is it counterproductive for movie that criticizes society for lying to women about men, to have an ending based on shit that never would happen in real life, hence lying to women again? As much as this movie called out the nonsense, it ended with the nonsense as well. The woman, these dating urban legends–the man who never cried marriage, all of sudden proposes, or the mister I never give a shit, starts giving a shit and becomes totally pressed about a pathetic girl cause she checked him about his mental deficiencies. Trust, if that’s all it took, we all would be boo’d up, cause I have had the whole, “You are dead inside” conversation NUMEROUS TIMES and the response have all been, “And..I know this shit already?” This movie only gives women false hope that shit is magically going to change when dealing with crazy–it doesn’t. When a man shows and tells you that he doesn’t want kids EVER, doesn’t want to get married EVER, that he needs a blow job everyday and he needs you to fulfill that requirement–HE MEANS IT and he is not deviating from that stance. So run Jenny, cause you in danger girl!
  • Where were the folks of color? Yes, there were black folks–the dude with the Coogie sweater, the African hut women, the random hook up chic and the two Nell Carter-looking women who were as sexy as a stick of butter talking about ribs and ice cream. I almost forgot Wilson Cruz’s creamy-licious self, but they were all stereotypes–SURPRISE! Guess it was too much to have characters of color to be main characters. Now, maybe I am naive to think that people of different races hang out with each other in big cities, but I have seen The Wire and Homicide: Life on The Streets, so I know the Baltimore’s surroundings has some black, Latinos and etc. Get a hint from Love Actually, you can have interracial dating be natural and common without turning it into Jungle Fever.
  • Why were the women in the theater acting like damn crack heads waiting for this shit to provide a fix? Look, women were in there acting like Angelina Jolie was giving classes on how to get your coworker to fall in love with you. It’s just a damn movie, there is no need to be 1.)running to get a seat, 2.)taking notes like this shit is real 3.)or oohing and ohhing when Ben Affleck gave Jennifer Aniston that ring. 4.)Going over which scenes almost made you cry when leaving with theater with your friends. ( This really happened.)
  • If the movie had been made by Tyler Perry, it would have been called Girl, Stop Playing Yourself ; Why You So Thirsty, He Only Works in Retail; or Your Relationship is Only As Sane As The Two Mofos In it: Ok, that’s more a statement but I had to put it somewhere.

Look, I know that this is chick flick and no, I wasn’t expecting Milk or The Reader-like performances and plots, and yes in the midst of a recession people need an escape, but damn, try a little harder–not all of us are stupid, just most of us. There is a way to craft a romantic comedy without Julia Roberts and not have people leave feeling like they just had a lobotomy.