CNN Money is stating the obvious, “It’s a recession, bitches!”

I am not fully aware of what a recession is. What I do know is that buying toilet paper and aluminum foil might require me to have to hawk my Movado because the prices for everything are going up. Suze Orman I am not, but here are some tips to getting your money right during this mess (Disclaimer, I do not have a pot to piss in, so if your car gets repossessed that is on you):

Consume less: If you are thinking that a new Louis or a pair of gold strappy Christian Laquoix is a good look for the summer, rethink that. You cannot live in that bag or those shoes when your house gets foreclosed. Stop trying to impress people who you don’t even know and stop looking at what celebrities have—they get half that shit for free.

Buy what you need, not what you want.

Figure out what you cannot sacrifice: For me its organic products. Organic food can be expensive, especially if you mess with Whole Foods on the regular. (I once grabbed a bag of organic grapes. When I got to the register they were $11. I bough them because I didn’t want the woman to think I was cheap. This leads me to another rule, there is nothing wrong with admitting that you cannot afford something and putting it back.)

You have to find a way to make it work. For me it’s shopping at Trader’s Joe’s or buying Whole Foods’ cheap organic line. Also figuring out which foods don’t have to be organic. An organic banana is waste of time; the peel protects the fruit from the pesticides.

My health is not gonna suffer because Dubbya f’d everything up.

Consume smarter: Start using coupons and read circulars—you are on a mission to save a buck. There is no shame in using coupons. Also during a recession, there is no such thing as brand loyalty—try to sacrifice certain items and go with what’s cheaper if you can. Now, if you drink Pepsi, under no circumstances are you to start drinking Coke because it’s on sale. NEVER.

More tips:
Shop at the dollar store
Frequent Steve and Barry’s and other discount places for clothes
Bring your lunch to work more often.
Break-up with Starbucks temporarily and make coffee at home.

Get drunk at home: New York prices on drinks, especially wine are out of control. A glass of Shiraz in certain places is $9! That is equivalent to 2 bottles of Purple Moon Shiraz at Trader Joe’s Wine Shop. Invite some friends over, turn on some music; dim the lights and it pretend it’s 40/40 club.

Added bonus: The likelihood of you hooking up with someone random is next to none if you are at the crib, which could save you money on having to get that potential STD cleared up.

Bring in some extra money: Start babysitting, cutting grass, freelance writing, something, cause TRUST, you ain’t getting a raise anytime soon. Also try to save some of it–even if it 20 bucks a week.

Start exercising: With all of these changes, you are going to need to de-stress. If you have a gym membership, start using it. Plus, going to the gym stops me from spending unnecessary because it gives me something to do other than shop or eat out.

If you don’t have a membership or can’t afford one, start working out at home, walk around the park, buy some yoga DVDs and surf the web for different routines.

What’s the point of surviving a recession financially if your unhealthy ass can’t live through one?

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