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In 2006, my best friend Emily and I stumbled across the movie C.S.A.: The Confederate States of America. This mockumentary, produced by Spike Lee and directed by Kevin Willmott, asks the question what would have happened if the South had won the Civil War? What would our culture look like? What would have happened to MLK? Or JFK? Barack would never have been born and I would be some master’s “girlfriend,” living in the big house getting abused by the Ms.

Luckily, the North did win.

C.S.A. is set up as a BBC-type documentary being shown on an American cable channel for the first time, with commercials that would be relevant for that time. Here are a few:

Rent it ASAP!

I know that there are a lot of black women who would never date a non-black man. That’s your business, you keep letting Essence pump that “one day your black prince will come” fairytale into your head. He might and he might not, but in the meantime, look around a bit, explore.  I did and I found Keanu Reeves. We are quite happy together.

I know he will never be an Oscar winner, he may not take showers every day and there are those gay rumors, but that has never stopped me before, he is fine!

I had fallen out of love with him , but he has been making a Kellee-comeback, especially with The Lake House a few years ago. After watching that, it was on and popping. I would have waited 10 years for him. 

Man! Only better with age.

 

Enjoy this montage of my man. 

You really can find anything on Youtube.

Hillary Clinton has come under fire for her remarks about not quitting the race by invoking the memory of RFK’s assassination. CNN.com reports the following:

Earlier Friday afternoon, she told the editorial board of the Sioux Falls, South Dakota, Argus Leader that “My husband did not wrap up the nomination in 1992 until he won the California primary somewhere in the middle of June, right? We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California. I don’t understand it,” she said.”

When the the media GOT ON HER FOR THIS, she stated the following:

“Earlier today, I was discussing the Democratic primary history and in the course of that discussion mentioned the campaigns that both my husband and Sen. Kennedy waged in California in June in 1992 and 1968, and I was referencing those to make the point that we have had nominating primary contests that go into June. That’s an historic fact.”

“The Kennedys have been much on my mind in the last days because of Sen. [Edward] Kennedy, and I regret that if my referencing that moment of trauma for our entire nation and particularly for the Kennedy family was in any way offensive. I certainly had no intention of that whatsoever,”

Obama’s camp called the comments, “Unfortunate.”

Her and her “facts.”

So Hil, what was the historical significance of your statement? And how did it relate to your current situation? This is what I got from it: “I don’t know why people want me to quit, there is a chance that one of my racist hillbilly followers from the Appalachian states might go and bust a cap in Obama’s ass. And if that happens then YOU ARE ALL STUCK WITH ME!” God, she is as desperate as the woman in The Brothers who tried to kill Shemar Moore for breaking off their engagement.

She knew exactly what she was doing. Anytime a leader in the country challenged the status quo, they get offed: Lincoln, JKF, Malcolm and MLK. And she knows that black folks deep down are secretly scared that every time Obama gives a speech that someone is going to kill him. And now she is giving people ideas.

Hillary, if you don’t want to drop out of the race, that is your business. If you like being 20 million dollars in debt and being dogged out on every news station all-day long and having your own supporters state on record that you should drop out, then ride this out to see how far it might take you–sad in June when Obama is named the Presidential nominee. But keep the word “assassination” out your mouth when referring to anything about this election if you are not talking about the possibility of your own assassination. This is not a game.

It kills me how so many other feminists still don’t see through this nonsense. If I get one more generic e-mail from feminists groups demanding that we fight against the media’s role in sexist attacks against Clinton, I am going to vomit. I would like to see a woman president in my lifetime too, but not one who has to win an election by using undermining racist remarks and feelings of entitlement, riding off her husband’s coattails and just plain breaking the rules to make that happen.

An editor friend of mine told me that her former female boss said, “I have tried to be nice people (A LIE), but it doesn’t get you anywhere, that’s why you have to be a bitch. It’s what all the top editors do. Being a bitch gets you what you want.” Too bad this nut along with Clinton don’t realize that people only tolerate a bitch because they have to, but they never respect one.

George “25 percent approval rating” Bush was passive aggressively attacking Barack Obama yesterday.

CNN.com wrote,

At Israel’s 60th anniversary celebration in Jerusalem, Bush said, “Some seem to believe that we should negotiate with the terrorists and radicals, as if some ingenious argument will persuade them they have been wrong all along,” Mr Bush told the Knesset in Israel. “We have heard this foolish delusion before. As Nazi tanks crossed into Poland in 1939, an American senator declared: ‘Lord, if I could only have talked to Hitler, all this might have been avoided’.”

Although Dubbya did not say Obama’s name, we all knew who he was talking about.

No worries though, Joseph Biden the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee held it down, telling reporters, “This is bulls**t. This is malarkey. This is outrageous. Outrageous for the president of the United States to go to a foreign country, sit in the Knesset … and make this kind of ridiculous statement.” He went on to say “He’s the guy who’s weakened us. He’s the guy that’s increased the number of terrorists in the world. His policies have produced this vulnerability the United States has.”

You know it’s bad when you got white folks cursing on record.

Bush listen up: For someone who doesn’t have the mental capacity to work the fry line at Chic Fillet, it boggles me as to why you have the audacity to be talking about “grown folks” stuff like foreign policy. Here’s a coloring book, now go sit at the kiddie table and keep Barack’s name out of your mouth.

Republicans are so desperate to hold on to power that they will say anything and make up anything in order to invoke fear in Americans. It’s really sad. But like Dukakis said, Barack is going to have to prepare himself because this type of GOP political lynching is only the beginning.

Watch, next week Fox News’ Hannity & Colmes will label Barack’s youngest daughter a racial separatist because they have a tape of her playing double dutch with other black girls at school? I can hear it now: “Where are her white friends? This behavior resembles that of Italian fascists! Is that the type of family you want in the White House?”

Rumor is Barack is going to address Bush’s statements. When he is done with Bush, Bush’s face is going to look as beat as Hillary’s was on Super Tuesday when she realized that maybe she shouldn’t have spent all of her money so soon

UPDATE: CNN.com reports that Barack blasted Bush this afternoon.

Sen. Barack Obama slammed President Bush on Friday for launching “exactly the kind of appalling attack that’s divided our country and that alienates us from the world.”

He also took a shot at Sen. John McCain for “embracing” the president’s “attacks on Democrats,” and “suggesting that I wasn’t fit to protect this nation that I love.”

“So much for civility,” Obama said at a town hall meeting in Watertown, noting that McCain had talked about the need for civility in politics earlier Thursday……..”After almost eight years, I did not think I could be surprised about anything that George Bush says, but I was wrong,” Obama said.

“The president did something that presidents don’t do. That is launch a political attack targeted toward the domestic market in front of a foreign delegation,” he said.

And Scene…I bet Bush is in Cheney’s office having a tantrum wondering why Cheney made him make those comments in the first place.

I mean I know that ever since XXL came to be, The Source has become as relevant as Jet, so it would make sense that they would want to sell issues by any means necessary, but isn’t this just a bit harsh?

Do we really need another violent media image of black men? Aren’t O.J and Clarence Thomas offensive enough?

First it was the purple Telletubies hell bent on reprogramming our sons into becoming nelly queens, then it was all the feminists and liberals that caused 9/11 and now the Jesus Freaks are back with a new campaign: The Pill Kills 2008. This group funded by losers with a lot of time on their hands wants you to join them on June 7th to stop the distribution of the killer poison called the Birth Control Pill. The 7th of June is the 43rd anniversary of the landmark case Griswold vs. Connecticut, which made birth control legal. And while pro-choice folks like myself will be celebrating, these idiots will be protesting.

Check out their very enlightening Q &A on their site:

Q: How does the pill work?
A: The birth control pill and similar birth control products work in a woman’s body in one of three ways: It can prevent ovulation and it can obstruct sperm from reaching the egg (prevent fertilization) by thickening the cervical mucus. However, if both of these methods fail and a new human person is created, the pill and other contraceptives can stop a tiny child’s implantation in his/her mother’s womb because the pill irritates the lining of the uterus so that the tiny baby boy or baby girl cannot attach to the lining of the uterus and the newly formed human person is aborted and dies. This is called a chemical abortion.

Q: How does the pill kill babies?
A: This can happen because the pill and other birth control products can prevent implantation from occurring. When the preborn baby implants in the womb, the baby establishes a connection with the mother so that he or she can receive the sustenance needed to grow. If the preborn baby cannot implant in the mother’s womb, he or she will die.

Now I grew up in a time where we actually had real sex-education–Remember being grossed out with the slides of warts and the infamous CAULIFLOWER vagina? Remember when health teachers taught you about condoms, birth control and abstinence? Yes, being on the pill for decades can cause blood clots and what not, but I must have missed the lesson about the pill being the major force behind genocide.

I love how these fools don’t need basic science or commons sense to fuel a campaign. It’s this type of delusionment and ignorance that allows Hillary Clinton to continue with her bid for the White House.

I mean what’s next? Protesting condoms because they block sperm from naturally entering the uterus? This has got to stop!

What are these people suggesting? Not having sex until marriage? Well that is not going to work for black women since every damn poll tells us that we have a better chance of getting struck by lightening and winning the Powerball on the same day then finding a spouse. Guess I will have to live with being a serial killer.

(Thanks Feministing)

Hil, you are standing in the way of CHANGE! Hefer DROP OUT now and do so with DIGNITY! Wait it may be too late for that.

[Yes, this is the same YouTube video I used for another posting about her a few months ago. Damn, some of you never forget anything.]

For the Mother’s Day edition of Jet, the weekly African American pamphlet magazine, Kim Porter graces its cover. She talks about her life beyond Diddy (you two were just pictured being boo’d up last week), her business ventures and motherhood. The cover line is hilarious: “Makes her own life” (yeah with Diddy’s money.) Like I said in the past she is an embarassment to black women. KIM, GET SOME COUNSELING AND A NEW MAN, IN THAT PARTICULAR ORDER.

I would like to know who at the Jet headquarters thought it would be a great idea to use this woman as an example of anything positive? Of all of the black mamas in the world to choose from–Jada, Halle, Mary J, Iman, Nia Long, Vanessa Williams, Nicole Ritchie, Kimora–this is what you come up with. Hell I would rather them have put Keishya Cole’s mother Frankie on the cover! At least that would be an encouraging story about getting past your demons in order to be a better mom. Kim is still being possessed by her demons: greed and stupidity. What is she going to teach her daughters about relationships and self-esteem?

And now I hear she is getting a reality show on Lifetime! This nonsense only gives hope to other groupies, gold diggers, NFL baby mommas, jump-offs and lazy women who just don’t want to work, that this triffling, settling for less behavior can get you something other than a new car, a Dior clutch and paid parking tickets. Using your uterus as a vessel to procreate in order to make money should not get you on the cover of a magazine, EVEN IF IT IS JET!

Some of you think that I am taking this too far, but watch in a month The Learning Annex is going to offer a class on “How to make being a jump-off a sustainable career.” You’ll see.

I know that some of you are not into light-skinned dudes, YOU NEED TO GET OVER THAT STAT because Coby is an Adonis.

In the spring of 2003, a friend and I were taking advantage of the nice weather so we decided to walk from 109th and Broadway to Lincoln Center, which is about 66th and Broadway. We were chatting and laughing when this tall brother with a bald head caught my eye. This man, who I did not see his face was crossing the street wearing shorts and a tank top dribbling a basketball, I knew he was the one. Then he turned around and smiled, and I realized that it was Coby Bell, who at the time was on Third Watch.

WHEN I SAY HIS SMILE LIT UP THE WHOLE DAMN STREET, I ALMOST WENT BLIND. It was surreal. I thought I was having an out of body experience. He is so fine that you would actually consider selling your mother back into slavery to be with him.

Catch my boo on The Game every Sunday or until it gets canceled.

So, I thought I would give away an award every month or heck maybe even every week to the most ridiculous nonesense that is being googled to get this site. I know that about a month ago I wrote a whole thing on it, but the phrases this week alone are off the hook.

I don’t know what people are thinking anymore. I guess if a father can keep his own daughter locked in a basement for almost half of her life, procreate with her and burn one of her children’s dead bodies, then really anything is possible.

With that being said,THE WINNER IS …OH IT’S A TIE!

  • First winner is the person who googled, “What can a lot of starch do to your vagina?” (I mean are you putting the starch on or in your vagina or are you consuming too much starch? I need you to be clear)
  • Second winner is the person who googled, “I’m not gay but i like looking at penis.” (Denial)

Runners Up:

“Women who love big hard sh*t in their mouths”

“”run trains on her”"

Why are the sexual deviants all up and through my site?

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