Pop Gumbo

Okay guys, so my mother asked me today to stop cursing so much on my blog, because I am a “serious” journalist and it is not becoming–she may have a point. Someone told her I called Hillary Clinton a bitch. Maybe she was reading my mind, but I know I never flat out wrote that. I am not sure who told her I was cursing, because I know for a fact she doesn’t read my blog (Thanks Dad). Nonetheless, if my mother wants to me be a lady, then a lady I will be.

FYI: I didn’t say I would stop, I said I would tone it down, you mother fuckers.

I am having one of those days. Jamie won’t return my MySpace messages.

On XXL.com, DMX was interviewed by Clover Hope to discuss his gospel CD, his rap CD, his family and his thoughts on our next president Barack Obama.

Here’s an excerpt:

Are you following the presidential race?
Not at all.

You’re not? You know there’s a Black guy running, Barack Obama and then there’s Hillary Clinton.
His name is Barack?!

Barack Obama, yeah.
Barack?!

Barack.
What the fuck is a Barack?! Barack Obama. Where he from, Africa?

Yeah, his dad is from Kenya.
Barack Obama?

Yeah.
What the fuck?! That ain’t no fuckin’ name, yo. That ain’t that nigga’s name. You can’t be serious. Barack Obama. Get the fuck outta here.

You’re telling me you haven’t heard about him before.
I ain’t really paying much attention.

I mean, it’s pretty big if a Black…
Wow, Barack! The nigga’s name is Barack. Barack? Nigga named Barack Obama. What the fuck, man?! Is he serious? That ain’t his fuckin’ name. Ima tell this nigga when I see him, “Stop that bullshit. Stop that bullshit” [laughs] “That ain’t your fuckin’ name.” Your momma ain’t name you no damn Barack.

So you’re not following the race. You can’t vote right?
Nope.

Is that why you’re not following it?
No, because it’s just—it doesn’t matter. They’re gonna do what they’re gonna do. It doesn’t really make a difference. These are the last years.

But it would be pretty big if we had a first Black president. That would be huge.
I mean, I guess…. What, they gon’ give a dog a bone? There you go. Ooh, we have a Black president now. They should’ve done that shit a long time ago, we wouldn’t be in the fuckin’ position we in now. With world war coming up right now. They done fucked this shit up then give it to the Black people, “Here you take it. Take my mess.”

Right, exactly.
It’s all a fuckin’ setup. It’s all a setup. All fuckin’ bullshit. All bullshit. I don’t give a fuck about none of that.

We could have a female president also, Hillary Clinton.
I mean, either way it doesn’t matter. I don’t care. No one person is directly affected by which president, you know, so what does it matter.

Yeah, but the country is.
I guess. The president is a puppet anyway. The president don’t make no damn decisions.

Well Barack has a good chance of winning so that might be something.
Good for him, good for him.

Ok look, I completely understand that many people in this country have distanced themselves from politics because they are tired of the corruptness of it all, the lying about weapons of mass destruction, institutionalized racism, policies that continue to widen the gap between the rich and the poor, etc–I GET IT! But this is just a disgrace.

Barack Obama has been on everything short of a Wheaties box: every magazine including VIBE, every television show, every newspaper, he has a MySpace account, all over YouTube, you name it. Even if DMX was flipping through the channels to get to BET, he must have come across Obama somewhere–HE IS THE ONLY BLACK CANDIDATE THAT EVER HAD A REAL SHOT IN HELL TO BE PRESIDENT.

It must be nice not to know shit or want to know. My hair is going gray because of this election, my mother’s nerves keep her up at night because she is so sick of all this Clinton nonsense and this crackhead has no idea who Barack Obama is. All of this work that we as black people are doing to make change and get ahead and this loser who gets dropped from his label, who is trying his hardest to stay relevant by coming out of his mouth

“Isa dunno nuffin ’bout no ‘Banana. Who that nigga be?”

Thanks for setting us back 175 years you coon.

Then he had the nerve to try to school folks on politics, like we don’t know how the system works. Well for those who don’t know how the system works, at least you know who Obama is.

The kicker of it all is the assertion that he would step to Obama. I dare this fool to call Barack Obama a “nigga” and tell him to stop “bullshitting about his name.” Obama would stomp his little ass and then make a speech about it that even FOX News wouldn’t criticize.

Some of us don’t need to be free, we really don’t. Yeah, I said it.

Now, I am not to one to kick a gift horse in its mouth–I am very glad to have people reading this blog. I am gonna keep it real, I know that I do have some loyal readers like my brother Wilson, family members like my Uncle Tommie, friends, fellow bloggers and random people who stumbled across this on a whim and keep coming back. I want to thank you all of you.

But the majority of my readers are people who Google random shit and “poof” Pop Gumbo comes up. I will take what I can get. And I hope that my fabulousness and incredible wit will captivate you enough to become a regular.

Now with that being said, SOME OF YOU ARE GOOGLING SOME NASTY SHIT AND I AM GETTING WORRIED ABOUT THE STATE OF AMERICA! Today someone Googled “women who shit in people mouth” and my blog popped up! I HAVE NEVER WRITTEN ANYTHING ABOUT DEFECATING IN PEOPLE’S MOUTHS, ever. At least, I don’t recall.

What in the hell is going on? Who wants to see that? When I first moved to New York five years ago, I went to a vintage store on St. Mark’s and accidentally picked up a tee shirt with a picture of a woman shitting into a man’s mouth on the front. I damn near threw up, one because it was disgusting and two because the shirt cost $50.

Here are some other outrageous topics that people Googled:

sexual torture of a nigger [I WANNA KNOW WHO WROTE THIS ONE]
michelle obama ass
pubescent vagina
completely waxed
waxed vaginas
young vagina
ugly face good body
vaginal cleanliness baby wipes?
america’s next hot porn star

You all are some nasty mofos, what is the deal with vaginas? I mean I have one-it’s alright, but it ain’t all that.

[Thanks Kenyon for the idea]

The New York Times wrote that Hillary Clinton said that although she was glad that Obama gave a speech on race, she didn’t watch it or read the transcript.

Before I even go into how I know she is lying, let me give her the benefit of the doubt and say that she didn’t watch it. Why did she miss it? Was it because she is so progressive that she doesn’t need a history lesson? What was she watching instead, The Maury Povich Show?

Mrs. Clinton, you could have just given the man your time, no, you could have just given this country enough respect and said that regardless of your personal feelings for Obama, the topic of race deserves to be listened to and take seriously by every American. Once again, your asshole is showing.

Now with that being said, let’s keep it real. SHE IS LYING! While Obama was breaking it down Cornell West-style, she was eating half a cheesecake on the couch on the verge of a nervous breakdown. She probably forced Bill to keep re-reading the part about not disowning Wright because he could never disown his own white grandmother for making racist remarks. She was in tears asking how this man could be so smart enough to come up with this shit in a day.

Obama is her enemy. She needs to know what her enemy is saying at all times, doing at all times, hell she probably knew what color underwear he had on when delivering that damn speech. Didn’t watch it my ass. Watch, next week, Clinton will be giving a 20 minute speech on how we need to address sexism in this country in order to move forward as a nation. She might even share a story about when she once heard her grandfather call a Woolworth’s cashier a cunt.

I really used to respect Clinton and looked up to her–woman to woman. And for a moment, I wasn’t sure who I was going to vote for. But everyday, this woman says or does something that is so out of pocket that it only reinforces my decision to support Barack Obama: mimic Obama, cry on television, demand that Michigan and Florida delegates should count despite being the only one of the ballot for one of them, have the audacity to suggest that the man who is ahead in the delegate count be her VP, the list really could go on and on.

Mrs. Clinton, without integrity, you have nothing. And in my opinion, you have nothing.

As much as I love talking shit about people, I also like giving props to people who are doing the damn thing–especially black women who think outside the box. My newest favorite singer is Estelle. (And no its not because Kanye lends his crazy self to the track, “American Boy.” I do love me some Kanye though)

Estelle is signed to John Legend’s Homeschool Records and her album is suppose to drop soon.

If you didn’t know, NOW YOU DO! This speech completely puts the shit out there. And it’s about time! Read the entire transcript here.

I bet Hillary is home gagging right now asking herself how is she going to move forward after this. No Hillary, rigging his brakes is not an acceptable approach in the “anything, but the kitchen sink” strategy. Sorry.

Because Eliot Spitzer couldn’t chalk it up like the majority of most American men and just sleep with his wife, we now have a new governor, David Patterson–the first African American and sight-impaired governor of New York state.

He seems like a stand up guy and he is wasting no time getting down to business. I hope this gig works out for him so that he can run for President in four years and piss off Gloria Steinem, Hillary Clinton and other “entitled” people who feel that it is their turn to rule the world.
I’m pretty sure Geraldine Ferraro will be on record for the Ann Arbor Daily saying some shit like, “This is affirmative action at its finest.”

Remember when you and your girls were fighting over which one you liked better–The light-skinned one or the dark-skinned one? I’ll never tell which one I preferred.

Why do I still have a Kris Kross poster taped to the back of my bedroom door at my parent’s house? I refuse to take it down–too many memories. I wonder how much that would go for on eBay.

“They’re attacking me because I’m white,”cried Geraldine Ferraro, former Vice President nominee and staunch Clinton supporter. Her comment was in response to the overwhelming negative feedback she’s getting for her following out-of- pocket comments :

“If Obama was a white man, he would not be in this position. And if he was a woman, he would not be in this position. He happens to be very lucky to be who he is. And the country is caught up in the concept.“

What in the hell is she talking about? Does she really think that people are going to let Will Smith syndrome trump issues like healthcare, the economy and national security? Anything to undermine this man. First he is a closeted terrorist who is cousins with Sadam, then he is a weak pushover who will cry if he gets a 3am phone call AND now black is the new white. I just can’t. Since when has being black in America ever been the sole reason for advancement in anything other than sports? NEVER. Go ask the victims of Hurricane Katrina did being black get them shelter, food or relief any quicker than their white counterparts. They didn’t feel so lucky that day.

With comments like these, it really is no wonder why many women of color ARE NOT HAVING IT with white feminists. Your movement is based on the idea that black=male, women=white, whiteness=entitlement and how dare you be kept from your God-given piece of the pie. It reminds me of the line from the movie Philadelphia, when Tom Hank’s mother encourages him not to back down from his lawsuit, she says, “I didn’t teach you to sit at the back of the bus.” [TRANSLATION: Oppression is really for them, not for us.]

To make matters worse, when you see someone who you deem to be LESS WORTHY (Obama) is getting ahead while you are in the back of the line, you cry foul and start talking shit. i.e. Gloria Steinem. Why are we fighting about who deserves to get it first, black men or white women? Meanwhile no one is talking about black women, because no one cares about us. We’ll just continue to eat at the kiddie table.

Dear Ferraro: We are not attacking you because you are white, we are attacking you because what you said was stupid. If you want to discredit Obama, talk about his stance on the issues or his male privilege–that way no one will look at you sideways.

And if you want to blame anyone for why so many white Americans are drinking the Obama Kool-aid, first give Obama his props and second blame Bush. It was his 8 years as the worst president ever and his party’s constant lying that got people thinking, “Maybe a black president wouldn’t be such a bad idea. The least I can do is listen to what this coon man has to say.”

And FYI: white people cannot be victims of racism, racial prejudice, yes. Racism, no. Racism is about power and that black people don’t have. Example: I don’t like you, your feelings get hurt. You don’t like me, I don’t get hired. See the difference?

As usual Kenyon broke it down.